welcome to this world...

It's already 3 months since my first day been here. And I still found difficulties using English.. Although my environment is english-user, but still I can found Indonesian here and talking in bahasa Indonesia. Although I am very proud of my language, but still to survive here I should using English fluently.

Just feel so funny, that the people from south east asia, using English to comunicate with each other. Hmm, may be u will call me as a fanatics of anti-colonialism. Hmm, yes I am..

Sometimes, I just think it's not fear, that a friend of mine who speak english as her first language is very easy to understand amount of articles or even a book. She can finish read it very fast. Comparing with my self, that need much time to finish and understand an article or a book. Hmm.. but it's not excuse, I should keep my spirit that I can. As a women from the third world (hmm am I being racist..?) I should try and give my best.

So, now, the game is started. Full of energy and obsession. Go..Go...

questioning my self

Kadang terasa menyakitkan ketika apa yang diyakini menjadikan pertentangan, tidak hanya pertentangan batin yang artinya dalam diri saya sendiri, tetapi juga pertentangan dengan orang terdekat saya, yang saya sayangi, ya Keluarga.

Hidup terkadang bukan milik kita sendiri, karena terkadang kita tidak bisa memilih apa yang kita inginkan. Terlalu banyak pertimbangan yang kemudian menjadikan, seakan kita tidak mempunyai pilihan. Terkadang saya menertawakan diri saya, yang terlalu lemah dengan keadaan (meskipun saya juga mengganggap diri saya terlalu egois). Sehingga saya mempertanyakan diri saya sendiri, ketika saya sendiri juga belum lepas dari kondisi ini, bagaimana saya bisa melakukan sesuatu untuk orang lain?