when I ask my GOD

Sometimes I ask my GOD, "what's YOUR plan to me?" I just can't take the positive thing from it. Along of my life, I try to be the qualified one, so I joined with several competition, write and read more, study hard.. And what I got? this suck thing.

I though that YOU never change someone's life if he/she didn't try to change it. GOD, I have do something in my life. I though YOU know that I always all out when I am on work. I give all that I have, my time, power, knowledge, etc.. But what I got? I never measure everything from money, status or something like that. I just want they respect me. Including YOU, is it wrong?

I know as YOUR creature I can't refuse what do YOU want. Who I am? I know my life is imperfect anymore. I know it.. Am I wrong if I want the best for me? I think everyone have same hope as me.

It really influence my life at all. I want run, leave this fucking condition. Wish it would over. I don't want this fucking condition make me act badly and ask about YOUR existence.

dalam lelahku

I don't know what should I do. What I have face now really really slapped me. I can't think positively, and what I do is grumble with my suck life..

I though I have did the best that I can, and it is the result that I get? They only takes benefit from me, and after it they kick me. How damn this life... It is wrong if I try to be good in all of works that I have done? If I look the other, I grumble with my life and ask my self, why me..?

the result is I tortured my self.. What I felt now is I am dying and getting crazy.. negative aura comes from my body. I hate this. May be I am desperate with this life, yes I am.

I don't care with what I have done in this world.